One says: I love you more, and the other replies: BS, I love you more!
If for some reason I happen to witness a couple having this conversation, I cannot help but roll my eyes, although to be honest -and taking advantage of this wonderful anonymous platform- I have to admit that I have been there too.
What a masochistic exercise to engage in, don’t you think? such a conversation leaves no one unscathed. In the best of cases, you would come to the conclusion that your significant other loves you just as much as you do, but usually that is not what happens.
Instead of a recognition of your love, what you often get is a confirmation that you are worlds apart in your understanding of what love means in practical terms. If you started the conversation looking for reassurance, it is probable that you left wondering whether you can accept what your partner has to give (which often is not what you want).
In a unicorn-loving relationship, we would love selflessly, that is, doing what we do without expecting to get the same. But if you are like most people, your giving is partly contingent on the hope that your partner would do the same for you. If or when that doesn’t happen, it is not only frustrating, but it also discourages you from doing what you would otherwise do: you feel shortchanged.
This begs the question: can we really measure love?
Think about how we measure any other thing. Counting requires ignoring the unique qualities of an object in favor of what the objects you want to count have in common. While you cannot compare apples and oranges, you can count them when you think of them as fruits. Only then you can apply the measure you need: numerals if you want to count, pounds if you want to weigh, etc.
But when it comes to love, we don’t have one nor the other. We cannot depersonalize love (although we have some idea of the basic tenets of care and respect that apply in a relationship) and we don’t have a rule to measure it.
Therefore, the only way of quantifying love is by our own subjective experience and tape measure: the intensity of the love we feel and how we express it.
So, it seems reasonable to conclude that no, you cannot say that you love your partner more (sorry). If you feel this way, it may have to do less with your partner and more with how you express love and the role relationships have in your life.
The good news is that maybe even if your significant other or your friend is not doing what you would do, she is probably loving you with all her heart.
