“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
James Baldwin
We seldom suffer alone. If you are not a hermit living on top of a mountain, you are surrounded by people who are more or less close to you. When you suffer, they do. If reading this you are telling yourself that nobody cares, and that actually nobody is aware of your suffering, think of this: every time you venture out to the world, your suffering shows, one way or the other.
Even if you think that you are very good at pretending, I am quite certain this is the case. At the end of the day, repressing emotions is draining. All the energy that is applied to sweeping negative emotions under the carpet is like a mine that can explode with the weight of a feather. As the law of conservation of energy goes, energy is not created nor destroyed, only transformed: no matter how hard you try, negative energy will eventually come to the surface.
One does not need to be in extreme situations to be familiar with this. In fact, it happens to me all the time: I have miraculously lived through the day pretending everything is ok at work or with friends, and suddenly I will snap at someone else for no apparent reason (in the subway, in the street, at the coffee shop…etc.).
This is a wake up call: you may be quite good at lying to others, but you cannot lie to yourself. So no matter what feeling is present, just surrender to the fact. No use in trying to convince oneself that there is no reason to feel a certain way. Indeed, saying “I shouldn’t be sad” never made anyone jump with joy, quite the contrary.
Judging by our reactions, it may seem counterintuitive, but intellectual understanding does not necessarily alleviate suffering. Even when we know we may be wrong, we still feel the way we do. Maybe there is no such thing as unreasonable feelings. Feelings just are, often indifferent to the resounding voice of reason. By thinking that some feelings are only justified under certain circumstances, we end up denying a feeling that we will ultimately have to confront. If this is the case, why not do it straight away?
Surely when clouds dissipate, we will be able to understand ourselves better.
