Change of words, change of mind
I will spare you the data about the rise of singles in the world. Statistics is not a science I am versed in, but also, does it matter? What is the numeric threshold that we need to decide that the word we use to describe a whole group of people is obsolete? Hence I’d rather leave statistics to the side and guide myself by my own impressions and experience, which tell me that relationships are changing in a fundamental way and our thinking is not keeping up.
That words matter is a fact that seems quite incontrovertible these days. Wittgenstein once said “the limits of language are the limits of my world”. Indeed, we use words to describe reality- whatever that is. But there is a reason why Wittgenstein himself rejected his own idea later in life: he realized that more than reality, what defines the meaning of words is how we use them.
From then onwards, Wittgenstein would talk about language as a game. Now if the word single were a toy, it would be a torn, used, dirty plush toy to which someone attached brand new eyes and a belly button. No matter how much we try to revamp the word, the history behind it is just too heavy- above all, for women.
But this is not the only reason I want to get rid of the s-word, though. In a world where we have a lot of chances of being centenarians, having one partner in life becomes difficult. Therefore, it is not far-fetched to think that a vast majority of people will go through single phases in their lives, be it after separation, divorce or after the death of their spouse.
You could argue- and you would be right- that we already have words for this, that is, divorced and widowed. What these words, married, divorced and widowed have in common is that the three define a status in the present by an action from the past.
Single, however, is an adjective that defines a present situation with an indefinite limit of time, and in certain societies this means a sort of conceptual waiting room for those in the search of the one to become married or partnered. Far from neutral, its meaning is age-dependent, being inoffensive when applied to a woman in her twenties (or a man at any age) and often derogatory when applied to an older woman.
We do not speak, for example, of single students- because we expect students to be single and that is normal. However, speaking of a single mother can have many other implications.
I will add to this that the word divorced can also be problematic for divorced people. You may not want to disclose or define yourself by your past in this way, but if you say that you are single at a certain age you may be judged as well for not having had a serious relationship in the past.
I often tell myself that this is of little importance, since if someone judges you for these kind of things it means that this may not be someone you want to hang out with. But still, I believe that creating a new word would be helpful to adapt to new times and better reflect all the possibilities that 21st century societies reveal.
Now what would that word be? Could “open” be a good replacement?
